In: 0

Davidmonster!

Davidmonster!

Davidmonster.com!

This Week’s Everyday People

Davidmonster.com!

Place of Birth: LA, California

Occupation: Writer

Ok Davidmonster.com, what kind of kid were you?

Um…wow,um..it’s funny cause I read these and I wasn’t prepared for this..(laughs), um, I was dumb, I was really hopeful and open and thinking like “oh, I’m just gonna be nice and kind…like people in my family are gonna love me, and I’ll get along with..” yeah I was a stupid kid..I really, really didn’t understand how the world worked at all and it really didn’t..yeah, it couldn’t wait to, uh, bitch slap me

(laughs) but would you call yourself stupid? I don’t know about that!

Well, I mean, when you, when you’re wide eyed and you go out into the world thinking if you behave and are polite, that things are gonna go well for you..it really doesn’t

Well can we use Naïve then, maybe?

Alright Naïve, yeah naïve. The reason why I say stupid is cause it took me a really long time, it took until I was like 18 and I kept trying to be nice to my family thinking that it would work somehow..it wasn’t until I was 18 when I was like “Oh..yeah…they’re never gonna like me or respect me”..so..(laughs)..but, maybe you can say that I was naïve and not very bright.

(laughs) Ok David (laughs) We’ll go with that! Ok man (still lol) listen if you were to win 1 million dollars in the lottery tomorrow, what would you do with it?

Ah! Ah! God, yeah I think about this all the time…um..well, I would immediately plan a trip somewhere, I’d have to probably go to London straightaway

You love London

Ah, God I love London, and then Berlin..Berlin’s been on my list for awhile…and then I would come back and set up my life so I could eat healthy all the time and you know, do all the things I need to do and all that crap..

That’s a lotta money!

Yeah…well I’d put a bunch in the bank too and I’d save some of it too

Yeah yeah, nice..ok, what’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Oh God..this is another one, I read all these and now I’m not prepared that’s so funny…the nicest thing actually to date is..uh..um, this man Jim Datillo, found my book, uh, and he commissioned me to write a choose you own adventure game from that book..so he brought me into his company, he presented me and they bought it and that was incredible. That’s the first time anything like that’s ever happened with me.

That’s very cool! Now is that Jim Datillo or Jim Da-till-lil-lil-O?

Jim Da-til-lil-lil-lil-O (laughs) Jim Datillo of Zombie Exodus

(laughs) Of Zombie Exodus that’s true! We will definitely get that plug in there! Ok Davidmonster.com, who’s the funniest person you’ve ever known?

Oh god there’s so many..there’s so many, but you know recently, I thought about this too and, somebody you know, the greatest actress who’s ever lived, uh, Brittany Timmons, is one of the funniest people

She is hilarious

Uh, you yourself, Chris Birt are funny, you’re funny also because you, a lotta times when I see you, you’ll open up for stuff to be funny, does that make sense?

Yeah absolutely

And you know who else is funny, but who’s funny because of the way I project onto her is somebody else you know, and you should interview her too cause she’s awesome is Shelby Dash

Yes, I’ve seen some of her videos on her YouTube channel, she’s very funny, I would love to interview her..ok who’s the funniest person you’ve ever seen? So like, a comic or..?

Ooh there’s so many, I idolize soo many people that are hysterical..um, I get..the first one that comes to mind is always Amy Sedaris (hysterical) probably the #1 person who embodies my sense of humor, but there’s soo many, there’s like Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French (Yes!) and Kathy Burke and..oh God, so many, and then, um, do you know who John Pinette is? Unfortunately he’s dead, he’s a comedian that I found online, I just started listening to him and then I wanted to go see him and then I found out he was dead..uh, I don’t know why, he cracks me up, there’s something about him the way he delivers..there’s so many, there’s so many hilarious people that I idolize..

That’s true. Ok Davidmonster.com you’ve kind of already alluded to it, but you can go anywhere in the world tomorrow, where is that place and why?

I’d have to got to London right away to check in..cause, it’s just, everytime I go there it feels, its just, I don’t know for some reason I go there and just, stress melts away, I feel like, I don’t wanna say Home cause, home just sounds so boring, but, I feel good there..

You love London!

Ah I love London. I love the entirety of the UK, Edinburgh is a beautiful magical place, everywhere is wonderful and I’d have to go there, I’d have to go to Berlin and then I really wanna go, I really really need to go somewhere tropical and just lie on a beach for like, 3 days.. just lie there and do nothing, and be fed on the beach..right? (laughs)

(laughs) That’s the dream, now where? Like South Pacific? Mediterranean?

Yes all of them, I need all of them..Maldives..any of those places with the clear water that you can see to the bottom…

Yeah..and those huts that you stay in where they’re over the water and they bring you food?

See I need that more than anything, yeah

I agree. Ok Davidmonster.com you’re going to live the rest of your life on a deserted island, but you can take only one of each. Which?

Candy Bar? Oh God, um, I don’t..

You’re not a sweet tooth person, no?

No but there’s a candy bar that’s not exactly a candy bar but it’s a protein bar that tastes like a candy bar..it’s called Supreme or something like that I would love that one, but candy bar candy bar, and I don’t know why I never eat them and I haven’t but I don’t know why I think they’re my favorite, but Three Musketeers?

Interesting..       Is it good?

You know, I just realized, it flashed into my head you know why I think it’s my favorite and why I, I want it?

Why?

(laughs) it’s cause growing up my Mom, she never, she would never buy us what she would call “Crap” but, every once in a while, maybe like once a year she “ok, we’re gonna go and get candy and you can get ONE!”..and I think it was the biggest one and I’m like “that one, I’ll take that one!” cause like, you know, you’re so desperate so you just grab at the biggest one you could get (laughs)

(laughs) And Three Musketeers was the biggest one! That’s hilarious! Ok which type of Food?

Ooh…Japanese…sushi..and all Japanese cause then I could have the grilled steaks and stuff

Best fried chicken I ever had was in Tokyo, Black people don’t like it when I say that, but it’s true! Ok, which Album or CD?

God that’s, uh, there’s so much music that is so great..all I can think of is, is..Classic Letters by Blondie…Oh, and there’s also the Slits the Peel Sessions

I love it, Which Book?

Ooh God..how do you pick a book? Um…I don’t know..oh God, uh…you know what? This is gonna sound ridiculous, this is, you want the douchebag answer? (laughs)

No wrong answers, man

(laughs) This is douchy but, there’s one book I keep reading over and over again and everytime, it’s just such a beautiful book…..uh..(laughs) it’s called Service and it’s by a writer named David Monster..(laughs) but honestly it’s a ,it’s a beautiful fucking book

(laughs) I love it! Absolutely, listen, Dr Irv named his book in the interview, Harold B promoted his single, absolutely David!

It is a beautiful book, I have to say..

Absolutely, so ok, two people you get to take with you, one for conversation purposes only. Who?

You know who I really want to find out from? Um, there’s one person in history that, that we never found and..ok..on the surface it sounds, weird..but this person was such an amazing person when you read about them and we never really found out what happened to this person…I would like, I would like 3 people..that are connected to this..I’m just gonna say, it’s Cleopatra, Marc Antony and Julius Caesar, but definitely Cleopatra to find out what happened because their bodies were never recovered..and I don’t know if you know this, but, Cleopatra wrote, well, for the time, Cleopatra wrote scientific journals and stuff like that, and I wanna find out what happened because twice she was supposed to be taken over by Rome, and she seduced the men who came to take her country..I wanna find out what the hell happened there, it’s just such an amazing situation

Great choice David!

Oh, thank you

Ok, for romantic purposes only. Who?

Oh God! Oh, somebody throughout history?

Yes, it could be anybody but only for romance..once that’s done they go to the other side of the island and Cleopatra and the boys come back..

Oh my God, well I’m far too old for romance at this point but (laughs)..I’ve sort of closed the book on that, but..I don’t know..that, that is really hard..do you know any of the, the Strong Man competitors? (laughs)

Ohh, I think, only through you, that you’ve mentioned on the Unimaginary Friendcast podcast..I can’t remember any of their names?

Um, well let’s just say there’s one that’s like, 6’7, 387lbs and he can lift..he can squat, like 1000lbs..let’s just say, and he’ll help, yeah, that’ll be good, he can help out on the island too (laughs)

(laughs) Remember, you can only use him for romance!

That’s fine, whatever..he won’t build a hut? He’ll just lie around doing nothing?

Well, not Nothing, David!

Oh, that’s funny!

Ok man final question, what would you like for other people to say about you?

It’s funny cause it’s changed a lot, it used to be, like, growing up I wanted people to say that I was nice and kind and compassionate and all that bullshit..now I don’t give a shit anymore, not anymore, I don’t care.. I want people to say “Wow, he was a good writer.”..that’s what I want people to say..

Hey! Good one man, that’s a good one.

Thank You

Ok Davidmonster.com, that’s it. Thanks so much. You were great!