This week’s Everyday People
Place of Birth: South Bend, Indiana
Me: “I did not know that; you were born in Notre Dame town?”
Alfred: Well, uh, I moved when I was 12, so I really didn’t have a, a football sense of place…I didn’t realize it was 2 feet away (chuckles), you know, but I did see my 1st concert at the Notre Dame ACC
Me: “Which was?”
Alfred: which was Billy Joel!
Me: Get out! I love that!
Alfred: Yeah, it was in February and it was Christie Brinkley’s birthday, so she came out and danced to Uptown Girl!
Me: That’s Amazing!
What kind of kid were you?
(deep breath, pause) Uh, I would say I was a uh, a shy, inward kid, but I was, it was just, place, it was in rural Michigan, which is right on the state line, cause, South Bend is right on the state line, but I lived in Michigan..a couple hundred yards north of the state line, so, it was just huge fields..it was a little like a shoehorn, sub-division where I was, and it was, a 10 minute drive to the next, you know, thing. So it was a lot of fields and wheat, so, when I had a next door neighbor, who was my age…so, we’d, grow up together, but apart from that, I mean, it was, somewhat rare that you’d go over to a friend’s house, it was a big deal, you know..you couldn’t walk there or ride your bike or anything, so…
Ok, Alfred S, if you were to win 1 million dollars in the lottery tomorrow, what would you do with it?
Uh..well, I’d probably pretend that I didn’t, for a year…and then just let the interest accrue, you know, and then just live off the hundred grand, and then as needed, or whatever, you know I’d try to make some, angles, but, just live within those means for a little while, and then try to make it, you know, move to, yeah, make it work, with plans probably to, live out in..Ecuador or someplace, live like.
Me: Like a King!
Alfred: Yeah, experience this over here for awhile..
Very smart, that’s a great answer.. OK, Alfred S, who’s the funniest person you’ve ever known?
You mean personally, not like, as a comedian?
Yeah, cause I’m gonna ask you that, next
Ah..(deep sigh) Uh, I mean, like, just throw out a random name?
Uh (long pause), well I’d say, it’s probably a guy named uh, Joshua Baum. Josh Baum B.A.U.M
Did you grow up with him?
No, I just, we met at, a, a few jobs ago, kind of an office setting, and, he was only there for maybe, I dunno, 9 months or something…it was kind of a, usually a temp job, but I was there, kind of a temp-for-hire as it turned out, so, other people are swirling in and out, but, we stayed in touch, and, he’s overseas now, and we could not see each other for a long time, but it’s always just…abject hilarity when we get back together..
Just a naturally funny guy..Who’s the funniest person you’ve ever seen?
Uh, Doug Stanhope.. Consistently, like, pushing the bar, crazy you can’t breathe funny, and, I mean, certainly, and I saw Kinnison, in..once, and that was, yeah live, so that’s gotta be, you know, you can’t top that, but, as far as a current person I’ll go outta my way to say Doug Stanhope.
You can go anywhere in the world tomorrow, where is that place and why?
(long pause) Just to visit?
I would say (pause) well, I’d probably want to go to like the Maldives..because it’s not gonna be there in, 30 years (laughs) you know? I mean, you gotta take the final photos of like, me in the street! (laughs) That’s it! There’s like, 600 of those islands there’s gotta be, 558 that’re like, “Nah, these are pretty much gone!” You could do the frightful, like, “Climate change is here!” (laughs)
Maldives, a great one, ok, what’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for you?
Uh (pause), well, apart from Mother, birthing ya?
I know, that’s hard to top! You can go with that…
Yeah I mean, cause there’s been, other acts, but, I haven’t had, like, you know, almost fell from a building and someone’s grabbing my arm, you know, back in,
pulling you from the streetcar…untied you from the tracks…(laughs) So, I’d have to say…
Ok, these are easy…you’re going to live on a deserted island for the rest of your life. You can only take one of each. Which?
Candy Bar? Ooh, which candy bar? Uh, I like the um, Toffifay’s
Type of Food? Italian
Album, CD or Artist? It’d probably be, Physical Graffiti, Led Zeppelin
Ooh, good one and right off the bat! Ok, which Movie?
Uh (short pause) The Hustler
Um, maybe uh, The um.. Dostoevsky works..it’ll take you awhile to get though that one! (laughs)
You can take one person, living or dead, for conversation purposes?
Like in air quotes? “Conversation?”
(Laughs) Yes! Just for conversation…I’ll get to that bit in a second.you get to take 2 people, this one for conversation only, who would..?
Right, uh, of, all time?
Anybody of all time
Yeah, uh, (pause, sigh) uhhhh, maybe like a, well, I’ll go, I’ll go something like, for how long? Just like…?
For the rest of the time, yeah.
Oh ok (long pause) I would say…someone like a , a Kierkegaard, like a, philosopher, but then I’d have to learn German, in the process, you know, and whatever other language he might know, so there’s multiple things happening, you know, to occupy your time…
Man, I’m telling you, you have built longevity for yourself on this island! Ok for romantic purposes, who would you take?
(long pause) Um, yeah, I think um, I also wanna…. you know, any any, one, any too much of one thing is not gonna…
Yeah, so it’s..if you go with just like, a, a Meg Ryan, Sleepless in Seattle, you know, you can kinda dabble in that, best of both worlds…(laughs)
Exactly, exactly…gives you some options as well..Ok, what would you like for other people to say about you?
That he, had friends…yeah
Sounds perfect, man, thank you so much!